A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
