It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
