My sheets look like a crime scene.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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