I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
