I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
