So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
