im about as happy as oj after his trial
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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