Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
