I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
