My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize