maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
