At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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