You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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