I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
