i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How's work?
Spinning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
