I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
