We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
