If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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