I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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