I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize