What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
