Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
