So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
