sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
