I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
