Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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