Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im holly from the hills drunk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
