I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You were trust falling into bushes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
