i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
