question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
