On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
did you just send me my own nude
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
