You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
