I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
