we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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