Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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