and you said cock pushups were impossible
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
