Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
