sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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