I like to think it a success when the cops are called
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
