Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
