Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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