i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
