sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
