I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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