I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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