allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
