I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
