Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
