Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize