I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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