is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
