Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
