His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
3 2 1 whiskey
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
