I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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