If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
