oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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