I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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