i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
