i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
