I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize