It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
