Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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