well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
