I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
