Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
