All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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